


iDidn't Kiss Sam

by coiwy1



Category: iCarly
Genre: Humor, Hurt-Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-21
Updated: 2011-09-28
Packaged: 2015-05-02 05:16:31
Rating: K+
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,450
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307870/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/3016562/coiwy1
Summary: Alternate endings to iKiss. What if Sam hadn't gone out to see Freddie after her confession on iCarly? Various other characters try their hand at comforting him - some with more success than others.





	1. Carly

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh. It was Carly. She raised an eyebrow and he nodded, gesturing her out onto the fire escape as he sat up straight and turned around properly to face her. She slipped through the window and perched on the windowsill and watched him silently, brushing a strand of hair off of her face. He shot her a questioning look.  
>"Hey," she said eventually. "Are you... okay?" Freddie smiled weakly and shrugged.<br>"I guess," he replied. "Shouldn't you be having your meatball war around now?" Carly bit her lip and shook her head.  
>"I wanted to come and see you first," she said quietly. "Sam-"<br>"I know," Freddie said, cutting her off. A grin flicked across his face and he nodded at his laptop. "You didn't think I'd miss iCarly, did you?"  
>"Of course not," Carly replied. She looked away nervously and gazed out across the dark cityscape.<br>"How did you convince her?" Freddie asked, getting to his feet. Carly glanced back at him and shook her head.  
>"I didn't," she told him. "That... that was all Sam. I was just gonna throw meatballs at her." Freddie nodded and leant back against the steps, ignoring the cold touch of the metal through his shirt. His eyes were still fixed on Carly, but she had returned to staring out over Seattle.<br>"I know me and her don't always get along, but I can see why you guys are friends," Freddie said slowly. "I mean, she has her moments." Carly nodded, still looking away from him. He sighed.  
>"And... I'm sorry we're always fighting. That can't be easy for you to deal with." Carly glanced at him and allowed a herself a smile.<br>"It wouldn't be the same without you two always hating on each other," she laughed. Freddie sunk down onto the sill next to her.  
>"Usually I'd agree," he muttered. "But this whole kissing thing, it just sorta spiraled out of control." Carly's face fell and she reached out an hand to touch Freddie's arm.<br>"People take these things way too seriously," she agreed. "You spend so long wondering how it's gonna be, and then... well, once it's done it kinda seems like it wasn't even worth it." She smiled sadly and leant back.  
>"You're not missing anything special," she sighed. Freddie glanced at the floor before flicking his eyes back to Carly. She was right there, he couldn't let the moment pass. Not this time. Not when she was... no. This was no different to any other time.<br>"Freddie?" Carly's voice cut through his thoughts and he realised that she had moved closer. Her hand was on his shoulder and her face, her beautiful, perfect face, was tilted in anxiety right in front of his.  
>"I was just thinking-" he began, before cutting himself off with a shake of his head.<br>"What?" she pressed. He swallowed nervously.  
>"Well, you know, I was thinking that maybe..."<br>"Maybe we could kiss?" Freddie breathed out sharply, his mouth dry. He turned away.  
>"But it's stupid, I know. It's been a couple of years now, I should just-"<br>"I'm up for it if you are." Freddie's eyes widened and he looked back at Carly. She was smiling at him, and her eyes told him she was earnest. She was actually offering to... kiss him. He gaped wordlessly and she giggled, rubbing his shoulder gently.  
>"Just so you can say you've done it," she continued. He nodded slightly.<br>"Are you sure?" he asked. She nodded back at him and she shuffled closer, her arm moving from his shoulder around his back. Without thinking he let his arm slip around her body as well, and suddenly her face was inches from his. He dipped his head and their lips met. Carly's other arm snaked around his neck and she pulled his head down toward her, drawing him into the kiss as-  
>And then she pulled back and it was over. Freddie reluctantly released her from his embrace and she slid back away from him, smiling at his shocked face.<br>"How was that?" she asked. He let out a slow breath.  
>"Better than I ever imagined," he gasped. Carly's smile widened.<br>"Don't get too used to it," she warned him. "This is just to stop people teasing you about never having kissed anyone." She leant forward and pecked him on the cheek before standing up and climbing back through the window.  
>"And everything's forgiven with Sam?" she asked. Freddie nodded.<br>"For now," he chuckled weakly. "You can't expect us to become friends overnight." He shot out a hand to grab her arm as she began to walk away.  
>"Carly," he said quietly. "Thanks." She smiled and said nothing, simply pulling gently out of his grasp and walking away silently, leaving Freddie sat on the windowsill on his own.<p> 


	2. Spencer

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh. It was Spencer. He climbed through the window and leant casually against the metal staircase, only stumbling slightly as he missed the step.  
>"Hey Freddo," he said. "What's shaking?" Freddie shrugged and turned around in his chair.<br>"I was just, uh, watching iCarly," he muttered. He raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you?" Spencer grimaced and tried to discretely rub some of the dried mud from his shirt.  
>"I tried out for Cobras," he replied. "It... didn't go well." He winced slightly and adjusted his position. Freddie nodded in sympathy.<br>"Well there's always next time..." he suggested. Spencer whistled through his teeth and shook his head.  
>"Oh, no. I'm not going through that again." He ran a hand through his hair and squatted next to Freddie.<br>"Are you ok?" he asked. "I heard about the whole... kissing thing." Freddie sighed and shrugged again.  
>"I guess," he said after a pause, glancing at his laptop. "Sam just... I think it's pretty much passed. People are gonna forget about it. Everything will go back to normal. Pretty much." Spencer nodded slowly.<br>"It's not as big a deal as you think," he told him. "There's nothing wrong with not kissing anyone."  
>"Yeah, I know, Spence," Freddie replied, turning away.<br>"I hadn't, you know," Spencer continued. "When I was your age. I didn't kiss anyone until I was 17." Freddie's eyes widened again and his gaze flicked back to Spencer.  
>"Seriously?" he asked. Spencer nodded.<br>"There were girls, but we never really got round to actually kissing," he said. "Then there was this girl at Ridgeway I had a major crush on, and I spent about a year trying to get her to like me."  
>"She was your first kiss?" Freddie asked. Spencer's face fell and he shook his head.<br>"No, I gave up on that eventually. She hooked up with Socko for a while, but... Well, I ended up kissing her friend during a lock-in. We were working on a project together and it just kinda happened." His eyes were fixed on the sky, and he looked quite pleased with himself. Freddie waited expectantly.  
>"How was it?" he asked. Spencer's face fell again and he looked back at the younger boy.<br>"Not great," he admitted. "She was crying at the time, which kinda took away from it."  
>"That bad, huh?" Freddie chuckled. Spencer shot him a look.<br>"Not because of me!" he protested. "She'd just broken up with her boyfriend because he was cheating on her." He frowned and rubbed his nose. "And then he beat me up for it." Freddie said nothing, not sure how to react as Spencer looked sadly up at the stars.  
>"I'm... sorry?" Freddie ventured. Spencer sighed and looked back at him again.<br>"Anyway, don't worry too much about it. The important thing is to not get beaten up over it." Spencer nodded at him and stood up, wincing a little at the pain shooting through his leg. He limped back to the window.  
>"I'm gonna go and lie down," he called behind him. "Don't stay out too long." Freddie raised an eyebrow and watched Spencer's slow progress back through the building.<p> 


	3. Gibby

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh. It was Gibby. The boy grinned and gave him a thumbs up, and Freddie shrugged and waved him out.  
>"What're you doing here?" he asked as Gibby climbed through the window and stood next to him.<br>"I just came to see how you were doing," he replied. "Hold on." Before Freddie could reply, Gibby had whipped his shirt off and tossed it over the side of the fire escape. Freddie raised an eyebrow and leant forward to watch it fall.  
>"Why?" he asked simply. Gibby shrugged his now bare shoulders.<br>"It's what I do," he replied. Freddie thought on this for a moment.  
>"Good call," he decided, leaning back in his chair again. Gibby leant over the side and glanced back at Freddie.<br>"So. Never kissed anyone?" he asked bluntly. Freddie nodded.  
>"That's about the size of it," he replied. "I mean, apart from my mom and that, but that's not the same." Gibby frowned and looked away.<br>"Not in this state, at least," he muttered quietly. Freddie narrowed his eyes but let it slide.  
>"If you're planning to make fun of me you'll have to watch out for Sam," he warned the shirtless boy. "She just threatened pretty much the whole internet if they dared mention it again." Gibby nodded.<br>"That sounds like her," he noted. "It's good that she likes you." Freddie raised an eyebrow again - it was hard not to around Gibby.  
>"I think the word you're looking for is tolerate," he said. Gibby chuckled to himself and turned around.<br>"Dude, she tolerates me. You're on her 'like' list. She just doesn't want you to know it." Freddie leant forward, intrigued.  
>"And you know this because...?" he asked.<br>"Dude. I'm Gibby!" the boy replied with a smirk. Freddie shrugged and decided not to argue, instead simply sitting back in his chair. Sam as a friend - that was a weird thought. They only ever spoke to each other when Carly was around, and even then it was mostly to argue. Well... there was that time when they worked together, but that was still all about Carly. But actually being friends? Hanging out together _without_ a mediator, that was rich. He let out a small laugh. Gibby looked up.  
>"What?"<br>"Nothing."  
>"Tell me!"<br>"It's dumb, Gibbs. I was just thinking..."  
>"Maybe we could kiss?" The question came just a little too fast, and Freddie almost jumped out of his chair, sure he must have imagined it.<br>"...what?" he replied slowly. Gibby shrugged.  
>"Well, you know, you're feeling down because you've never kissed anyone. My lips are right here, if you wanted to get it over with." Freddie looked away and did his best not to gag.<br>"I... I appreciate the offer, but I really don't want to kiss you," he said. "And to be honest I would never want to. I'm not that kinda guy. Not that I mind if you are, but..."  
>"Oh, no," Gibby responded. "I'm not either. I just thought it might be good for you to get it out of the way. You could close your eyes and pretend I was Carly." Again, Freddie fought his gag reflex and realised bitterly that his dreams about Carly would be tainted from now on.<br>"That... that's really not gonna happen," he said slowly. Gibby shrugged.  
>"Your loss, man," he muttered. "I've been told I'm pretty good at it." He wandered back to the window as Freddie let his words sink in.<br>"Wait!" he called after him. "Who have been kissing?" Gibby stopped and glanced back at him with a grin.  
>"It's less who have I been kissing, and more who <em>haven't<em> I been kissing," he replied. Freddie gaped at him as he disappeared down the hallway.


	4. TBo

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh. It was... actually, he had no idea who the guy was, but he was holding a stick with bananas on it, so it was probably wise not to question him.  
>"Hey, little guy!" the man said with a grin, stepping out onto the fire escape. "You're Freddie, right?"<br>"Uh... yeah," Freddie replied slowly. "Do I know you?" The man shrugged.  
>"You been to the Groovy Smoothie, haven't you?" he asked. "It's me! T-Bo!"<br>"Riight..." Freddie muttered. "And the bananas?" T-Bo looked down at the stick in his hand as if he hadn't realised he was holding it.  
>"Oh, yeah," he said. "You wanna buy a banana?"<br>"Um. No thanks."  
>"Aww, come on," T-Bo whined. "They're on a stick and everything!"<br>"Why would you put bananas on a stick?" Freddie asked, his eyebrow raised. T-Bo looked back at the stick and considered the question.  
>"Would you buy a banana if I was just carrying them around?"<br>"I... guess not..."  
>"Well there you go then." T-Bo grinned, satisfied, and waved the stick again.<br>"So you wanna buy one?" he asked again. Freddie sighed and shrugged.  
>"Will you stop bothering me if I do?" T-Bo nodded, slightly deflated.<br>"I thought you could use some company," he muttered. Freddie groaned.  
>"I didn't mean to be rude," he said. "I'm just... feeling kinda bummed right now and I'd prefer to be alone." T-Bo glanced questioningly at him.<br>"Is this the thing about you not kissing anyone?" he asked. "I been hearing that around the shop." Freddie nodded.  
>"Well think of it this way," T-Bo said. "A kiss is like a smoothie: it's easy to come buy, and if you haven't tried one in my shop, there's something wrong with you." He gave an encouraging grin and climbed back through the window.<br>"Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna find people who are willing to accept my business."


	5. Mitch

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Huh. There was nobody there. He turned back and came face to face with a small, balding man holding a plate of chicken wings and grinning at him. Freddie raised an eyebrow.  
>"My first question would be 'What the hell?'" he said. The man picked up a chicken wing, took a bite, and nodded.<br>"Short answer, I'm an angel," he replied. "Call me Mitch." Freddie's eyebrow rose further and he leant back slightly in his chair.  
>"Angel Mitch?" he repeated. "That... that doesn't sound very... holy." Mitch snorted and waved a dismissive hand.<br>"Hey, there's thousands of us hanging about up there. We can't _all_ be Michaels and Gabriels." Freddie nodded slowly.  
>"And the... the chicken wings?" Mitch glanced down at his plate and his grin returned.<br>"Oh, I got these after my first job. They last forever, you know. Want one?"  
>"No thanks." He shuffled back further as he watched Mitch pick up another wing and munch on it thoughtfully, ignoring the confused boy.<br>"So, uh," Freddie mumbled. "Why are you here?" Mitch looked back at him.  
>"Well!" he said grandly. "You, my friend, are in need of help. You're dissatisfied with your life and you just wish you could change the way things are."<br>"Um, actually..."  
>"I'm here to make your wish come true! Just say the word, and I'll change things so that you will have had your first kiss. Then you can slowly discover that things aren't quite as you'd hoped, yadayada, you learn your lesson and I change it all back."<br>"Right..."  
>"So, you ready to make the wish?" Mitch cracked his knuckles and watched Freddie expectantly. Freddie shook his head slowly.<br>"Actually, I think I'm cool with things the way they are," he replied gently. "Everything's pretty much worked out now." Mitch frowned and glanced at his watch.  
>"Huh. I must've got the time wrong," he muttered to himself. "Ooh, this isn't going to be pretty." With that, he vanished and left Freddie alone with the faint smell of chicken. Freddie leapt back off his chair, his eyes still fixed on the spot where Mitch had been standing. His eyes darted around the fire escape.<br>"I should really get inside around now."


	6. Cat

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. A redheaded girl was leaning out the window to look at him.  
>"Um, hi," she said nervously. "Have you seen my brother? He's, like, taller than me, and he's got dark hair. Oh, and he's a boy." She flashed him a smile as he stared back, slightly thrown.<br>"I... I don't think so," he replied slowly. "I mean, that's not the most detailed description..."  
>"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her face falling slightly as she slumped against the window frame.<br>"I- I mean a lot of people have dark hair. I'm a boy with dark hair, and I'm not your brother." The girl giggled.  
>"Aww yay, I love dark hair!" she said happily. Freddie raised an eyebrow in confusion.<br>"Anyway, I haven't seen him," he said. "Good luck finding him." He turned back with a sigh. The girl frowned and climbed through the window.  
>"Why are you all sad?" she asked, moving closer to him. Freddie shrugged.<br>"It's nothing," he replied. She squatted next to him and caught his eye.  
>"You can tell me," she said quietly, flashing him another smile. Her face lit up. "Is it a secret? I'm good with secrets!" Freddie couldn't help chuckling at her enthusiasm.<br>"It's not really a secret anymore," he told her. "I'm just kinda... I've never kissed a girl before." The girl giggled again.  
>"Why not?" she asked, poking his arm playfully.<br>"I guess... it's never come up," he shrugged. The girl's eyes widened as they ran over his body.  
>"Aww," she said quietly. Her smile returned and she looked back at his face.<br>"Do you wanna kiss me?" she asked excitedly. Freddie leant back a little.  
>"Um. What?"<br>"Well you've never kissed anyone, and you're a cute boy, and I'm here..." She smiled innocently at him and leant back on her hands. Freddie nodded slowly.  
>"Um, I guess that would be, uh..." He trailed off and swallowed nervously. The girl laughed and ran a finger down his arm.<br>"You're cute when you're nervous," she said softly, before standing up and leaning back on the steps. She winked and beckoned him closer. Almost without thinking, he stood up and took a step toward her.  
>"Right, um," he said slowly. "I mean, I've never done this, so I..." Before he could finish the girl had put a hand behind his head and pulled him toward her. Her lips connected with his and his eyes widened. Her other hand went to his back and rubbed slowly up and down. Freddie closed his eyes for a moment before the girl's hands left him and she pushed him away. She smiled again and looked away.<br>"I'd better go find my brother," she said, concern flooding back to her face. "He's not meant to be on his own at night." Freddie nodded speechlessly as she walked back to the window.  
>"Um. Thanks," he muttered. She flashed him another smile as she climbed through the window again.<br>"It was fun," she replied happily. Freddie shook his head as she disappeared down the hallway.  
>"No-one is gonna believe me about this," he muttered to himself.<p> 


	7. Marissa

"I'm Sam!"  
>"And I'm Carly!"<br>"And this is iCarly!"  
>"The only webshow that contains no trans fats."<br>"And keeps kitty's litterbox smelling fresh all day."  
>"And now what you've all been waiting for..."<br>"Carly and I are about to have our very first..."  
>"MEATBALL WAR!"<br>"Fredward Benson!"  
>Freddie's eyes widened slightly at the sound of his mother's voice, and he quickly snapped his laptop shut, cutting off the video. Mrs Benson glared at the back of his head.<br>"What do you think you're doing out here? You'll catch a cold!" Freddie groaned.  
>"I'm fine, mom!" he moaned. She crossed her arms.<br>"Don't you take that tone with me, young man," she snapped. "I'm just trying to do what's best for you. 'If you sit out in the cold, you'll surely die before you're old!'" Freddie rolled his eyes again and down further into his chair. Why couldn't he just have a normal mother?  
>"I'm not gonna <em>die<em> from sitting on a fire escape!" he replied. She tutted.  
>"I don't know how you can be so rude to your own mother," she said disapprovingly. Her eyes narrowed. "Is this something to do with that girl?"<br>"No, mom, it's nothing to do with Carly," he muttered. She watched him suspiciously.  
>"I can tell when you're lying to me, Freddie. 'When you start lying to your mom, you'll find your life is no more fun!'"<br>"It's not Carly!" he growled. Mrs Benson sighed.  
>"Freddie, you don't have to hide things from me. I'm your mom." Freddie shrugged and stood up, turning around to face her.<br>"Ok, you know what? I'm depressed because I've never... kissed a girl." Her expression softened.  
>"Oh, Freddie," she said with a smile. "Don't worry about that. You're a handsome young man and as soon as you get over... that <em>girl<em>... you'll have a wonderful girlfriend." Freddie let a small smile return to his face.  
>"Thanks, mom," he muttered. She nodded.<br>"But remember, you should never kiss anyone unless you know they're mouth is clean. The human mouth is _full _of bacteria which can-"  
>"If I come inside now, will you <em>please <em>stop talking about bacteria?" Freddie groaned. His mother smiled and stood back to let him climb back through the window.

As soon as he was back in his apartment, Freddie opened up his laptop again to check on iCarly. Huh. Nothing was broadcasting. He shrugged to himself. Sam had probably hit the camera with a meatball or something. He could fix that another time, but for now, it was her problem.


	8. Lewbert

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh god. It was Lewbert. The man narrowed his eyes.  
>"What are <em>you<em> doing out here?" he asked. Freddie shivered slightly. He hated that whiny voice.  
>"Just hanging out," he replied carefully. Lewbert scratched his wart.<br>"Then _why_ are you on the _fire_ escape?" he continued suspiciously. "That's a, ah..." He waved his hand in a small circle as he tried to think of the right phrase.  
>"Health and safetly issue?" Freddie hazarded. Lewbert barked out a laugh.<br>"No, no, it's a _stupid_ place to sit!" he said triumphantly. Freddie raised an eyebrow.  
>"I just want to be alone, ok?" he muttered. Lewbert nodded and climbed through the window, coming uncomfortably close to the boy, who shuffled away slightly.<br>"Yeah, but before I go..." Lewbert said, lowering his voice. "Do you think my wart's got bigger?" Freddie's eyebrow raised further, and he tried not to look at the wart.  
>"I, um," he stammered. "I don't know."<br>"Well just _look_ at it!" Lewbert said, thrusting his cheek toward Freddie. Freddie gagged.  
>"I guess maybe!" he blurted, almost falling off his chair as he tried to lean away from the doorman. Lewbert scratched the wart, showering Freddie's chair with small flakes of skin.<br>"Oh, man!" Freddie jumped up in disgust. Lewbert laughed again.  
>"Don't be such a baby, it's just a wart," he grinned, standing up as well. He strolled back to the window, still scratching and leaving a trail of skin flakes behind him. Freddie leant over the side of the fire escape and looked down. He was sure it'd be fine to puke from up here.<p> 


	9. Melanie

Freddie's eyes widened slightly as he heard a knocking on the window behind him, and he turned his head to look. Oh. It was Sam. She smiled brightly at him and he waved her out onto the fire escape.  
>"Hey!" she said cheerfully as she climbed through the window. "You're Freddie, right?"<br>Freddie narrowed his eyes again and turned around fully to look at her. It certainly wasn't what he'd been expecting from her: an apology, if he was lucky; a gentle ribbing otherwise. But acting as if she didn't know him? That was new.  
>"Uh... yeah," he muttered, his eyes running over her. It <em>was<em> Sam, right? After all, she'd just apologised to the world live on iCarly, then the broadcast had cut off... she must have come down to talk to him. Or at least, that would be his explanation if she hadn't apparently brushed her hair and changed from her usual shirt and pants combo into a dress.  
>Sam Puckett? In a dress? He had to be dreaming.<br>"So, um," he began awkwardly. She watched him, a playful smile still etched across her face and her eyes curious. He swallowed.  
>"What's with the dress?" he asked slowly. She glanced down, almost surprised to see her own outfit, before shrugging.<br>"It's been a nice day today and I thought it'd be a good day to wear it," she replied. Her face fell. "Don't you like it?"  
>"No, no, it's... uh, it's nice," Freddie said. <em>You actually look pretty<em>. "It's just, uh, why did you change on your way down here? I was watching the webshow, it's barely been five minutes."  
>Sam furrowed her brow and a smile crept across her face.<br>"The webshow?" she repeated. "You mean iCarly?" Freddie rolled his eyes.  
>"No, Sam, I mean the <em>other<em> webshow we do. Of course I mean iCarly!" He raised an eyebrow as she began giggling - _that's not like her_ - and shook her head slowly.  
>"You think I'm Sam, don't you?" she laughed. Freddie looked over her again.<br>"Well... yeah," he replied lamely. "Aren't you?" She shook her head again and took a step back, allowing Freddie to take in her whole body. She gave a little twirl.  
>"Come on, Freddie, you know Sam doesn't wear dresses," she giggled. "She's the Wicked Witch of the West. <em>I'm<em> the good witch." She watched him as his mind worked furiously to process what she was saying.  
>"So..." he said slowly. "You're saying that you're... you're like, her good half?"<br>"You could put it like that," she replied. "Or you could just say 'twin sister' like everyone else does. I'm Melanie." Freddie snorted and waved a dismissive hand.  
>"Ok, no. You almost had me there, Sam. But I know you don't have a sister." She sighed and her face fell. She almost looked offended.<br>"Well sure, we don't always get along, but she must have mentioned me at some point."  
>"Oh, come off it, Sam," Freddie said. "I know you don't like admitting you did something wrong, but you don't have to invent a fake sister just to get around it. I won't tell anyone." She rolled her eyes and squatted in front of him, bringing her face closer to his.<br>"Ok, Freddie. Have you ever seen Sam's teeth? She cleans them like, once a year, and she never goes to the dentist. And she's always eating and getting bits in her teeth, right?" Freddie nodded slowly. She leant closer.  
>"Do these look like Sam's teeth to you?" She opened her mouth and bared her teeth at him. He had to admit, they didn't look like the teeth of an unhygienic omnivore. And she wasn't acting like her usual self at all. For one thing, she'd never been this close to him without giving him a wedgie. But still...<br>"No," he said firmly. "I'm not falling for one of your stupid jokes, Sam. Just admit that it's you and we can get back to the usual diet of beatings and insults."  
>She sat back on her haunches and frowned.<br>"Freddie, I'm telling you, I'm not Sam," she insisted. "I'm wearing a dress. I have perfect teeth. What more evidence do you need?" Freddie frowned back at her and leant forward slightly. Her eyes followed his hand as it shot forward and pinched her arm.  
>"Oww!" she squealed. Freddie's eyes widened again. She reacted to pain <em>and <em>she hadn't hit him for it? Ok. Definitely not Sam.

"Ok..." he said slowly. "So ... Melanie, was it? Why have I never seen you before?" She smiled, still rubbing her arm.  
>"I go to a boarding school, so I'm not in Seattle much. I'm just here for a few days, and I thought I'd come and surprise Sam. I was just on my way up when I saw you out here." She frowned again. "Why <em>are<em> you out here? Shouldn't you be doing iCarly with the girls?"  
>Freddie shifted uncomfortably.<br>"Me and Sam had a fight," he explained. "She found out that I've never... I've never kissed anyone... and she announced it live on the webshow last week." Melanie was watching him with wide eyes.  
>"Urgh," she muttered. "I just hate it when she gets mean like that. She's always been a bit of a bully."<br>"Oh, trust me, I know," Freddie replied. "She's only been bullying me every day since we met." Melanie put her hand on his and squeezed it reassuringly.  
>"Don't take any notice of her," she advised. "If it makes you feel better, she's always worst to the people she cares about most. I mean, she never really had a good role model for behaviour when we were kids, and she's just never grown out of it..."<br>"Yeah, yeah," Freddie said. "I get it, she's got an excuse. It'd just be nice if she could realise that there's a line she shouldn't cross." Melanie squeezed his hand again and stood up.  
>"Well then, Freddie," she said, pulling him to his feet. "You'd better go upstairs and tell her that yourself. That's the only way she's gonna learn. Come on." She pulled on his arm again.<br>"Can't I just stay out here and hope she'll work that out for herself?" he asked, only half joking. Melanie shook her head and took a step forward.  
>"Not an option," she said firmly. "Either you go and talk to her now..." She trailed off and leaned toward him. Instinctively he put his arm around her waist as she rested hers on his shoulders. Her face drifted closer to his, and he couldn't help flinching slightly at the similarity to Sam. No matter how convinced he was that this was actually Sam's sister, his survival instinct was still telling him to get out of there before she killed him.<br>And then her lips touched his and his whole body went limp. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be enjoying herself, but he was still in a state of shock. After a few seconds she pulled back and looked at him, her mouth once again forming that comforting smile.  
>"Or you go and talk to her <em>now<em>." She giggled again at the expression of confusion on his face and took a hold of his arm.  
>"Come on, Freddie. There's your first kiss. Now come inside, and we can tell off my sister."<p> 


End file.
